I long for a predictable God. When the correct prayers are prayed, the answers come as expected. When an injustice occurs, God fixes it. But the very nature and essence of God is beyond anything we will ever understand. We are called into a relationship that requires openness and faith. We are called to open ourselves to Him and then to trust Him when we can't see where it is He is leading us. We are asked to faithfully believe in Him and follow Him, even when He seems far away.
Years ago I read about a man called John of the Cross. He lived in the sixteenth century and wrote the spiritual classic, “Dark Night of the Soul.” John wrote, “The 'dark night' is when those persons lose all the pleasure that they once experienced in their devotional life. This happens because God wants to purify them and move them on to greater heights.”
I remember thinking, “Why in the world would God do that? It makes no sense to me.” As I continued to ask this question I found a partial answer in an article I read. In it the author explained that if every time we prayed we had a feeling of emotional closeness to God we would come to value these “feelings” more then we would value God.
I am learning now that God can purify us, as we remain faithful to Him— even when we don't understand Him and what He is doing. Henri Nouwen wrote, “Didymus, the name of Thomas, means 'twin' as the Gospel says, and all of us are 'two people,' a doubting one and a believing one. Though Thomas doubted the reality of Jesus' resurrection, he kept faithful to the community of the apostles. In that community the Lord appeared to him and strengthened his faith.”
Last month, on the 10th anniversary of her death, a book titled, “Come Be My Light” was published about Mother Teresa. Inside are letters she wrote to her spiritual directors over a period of almost 50 years in which she describes, and agonizes over, the absence of feeling God's presence in her life. Shortly after starting the Missionaries of Charity in 1955 she entered a period of dryness, darkness and loneliness, a condition that became a huge cross for her to bear.
Once again, I find myself asking, “Why in the world would God do this?” And once again I find a partial answer to that question, this time in the introduction to the book. “Her painful inner experience was an essential part of living her mission. It was a sharing in the Passion of the Cross . . . Although this intense and ongoing spiritual agony could have made her despondent, she instead radiated remarkable joy and love. She was truly a witness to hope, an apostle of love and joy, because she had built the edifice of her life on pure faith.”
Thomas remained faithful to the Christian community, even when he doubted Jesus rose from the dead. Because of that, he experienced the Risen Christ first hand, and became a witness of His resurrection to all of us, throughout the ages.
And, I am learning, Mother Teresa's experience will reach out to others who have experienced dryness and doubt, namely all of us, and show us how to remain faithful to a God who has called us—even during the times when He seems far away.
We are called to remain faithful in our relationship with God through prayer, worship, and living out the call He has given each of us, even during the times He seems far away. It is through our faithfulness in these actions that He will purify us so that we might grow in faith and become a witness to others of His greatness and love.