Living In The Way

A Troubling Truth

By Katherine Albin, M.A., L.P.C.C.

For I know my transgressions, and my sin is always before me … Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.” – Psalm 51:3,10

Recently I had the pleasure of attending a MercyMe concert at the Kiva Auditorium. The concert was long, given the fact that there was not just one but two opening acts, Aaron Shust and Audio Adrenaline. I admit I must not be up on my Christian music, as I was unfamiliar with these two bands before that night. I also admit I was a bit out of my generation listening to Audio Adrenaline, though I did find myself inspired at least by the lyrics of their music.

Attending a Christian concert is like no other. Here, you experience something uncommonly powerful together with a whole auditorium full of people—a belief in Jesus Christ. And even though there is this commonality, one can easily see the different worshipping styles among the believers: some raising their hands in praise as they felt the Holy Spirit; some holding up their index finger to proclaim He is the Only One; some of the younger ones actually bouncing up and down to the beat of the music. And then there were those who were at least standing up, though hesitant in body movement—most likely my fellow Lutherans and perhaps some Catholics and Episcopalians. I have to say my sleep was severely lacking that night as the adrenaline continued to rush through my body and brain after such a stimulating experience of both music and Spirit.
Lead vocalist Bart Millard said something that night that stuck with me. It wasn’t just his words but what I actually witnessed and felt that night. He said, “This is the easy part,” referring to being in a place with believers where there is no risk or difficulty in showing praise to our God in front of one another. I knew so well what he meant. Even though I found myself lacking in physical display of my praise—that is, compared to those less inhibited kind of believers—I am sure we were all moved deeply in our own way, regardless of our differing outward displays of what we were feeling. And it was easy feeling that feeling among so many who felt the same: a feeling of true connection with God and with each other. But how easily we lose this feeling, this connection! How easily we lose sight of our God once we resume our daily routines and concerns.

For me, Lent is the time of year that helps me more clearly recognize this truth. If you were at this year’s Ash Wednesday service, you were probably reminded of some things you didn’t want to hear, like I was. Things like, Indeed I have been wicked from my birth, a sinner from my mother’s womb, of Psalm 51, from which Pastor Dale preached. Wicked, you say? That bad? We like to think that we do love God with our whole hearts, minds, and souls. After all, we go to church and do our best, don’t we? And there we do our ministries and give our time and our money. That all counts for something, doesn’t it? And what about our belief in Jesus? We’re following His teachings, aren’t we? And those Ten Commandments; we do pretty well in keeping those, don’t we?

Well, not really, particularly the one about having no other gods. And, I have to admit, I don’t always do so well with loving others the same way I love myself. When I’m completely honest with me, the truth is my relationship with God is less than stellar. No matter how hard I try! And that’s the point. I am a sinner. I don’t like to think that means I do a lot of bad things but I prove everyday that I am incapable of keeping God constantly at the center. However, my relationship with God is mediated through Jesus Christ: I simply can’t have it on my own, without Him. As I write these words, I must stop to contemplate what they really mean. As Christians, it is so easy to speak the language of Christianity but much more difficult to understand its true meaning.

And so I try to capture the Christian message at different stops along the way. I listen to a sermon and I truly understand …for a while. I put on a Christian CD and I truly feel the spirit…for a while. I go to a Christian concert and I truly feel the communion of believers and the very presence of God…for a while. I pray and I again feel His presence…for a while. Just like Jesus’ early followers, one moment I’m singing Hosanna and the next I forget Him, as He hangs on a cross and dies for me. On my own, I try to love someone who is so very hard to love, but I can’t; at least not the way God can. On my own, I try to stop my destructive behavior, but I can’t, at least not completely. On my own, I just can’t make the connection last with God. But Jesus can. Thank You, Jesus.